Day 112

It's been 112 days since I got laid off.  Until now, 6 weeks was the longest I've been without a job.  What do I do with my days?  Not much.  I don't sleep well, which means I have no energy.  I haven't been eating much, but I do drink a lot of coffee.  I think about things I'd like to do, but I'm lethargic when it comes to actually doing them.  I want to make a slide show for my daughter's graduation in June, but I can't fathom looking through old photos without crying, and I'm tired of crying.  I want to make a photo album for my son's Christmas present, but again, don't want to cry.  And I think about writing a book based on audio tapes my Grandpa recorded before he died.  His stories would make great young reader books!  But I cry at the thought of hearing his voice.  Today I can't seem to even get through writing this without tears.  One thing I do know, my blog will never be made into a book or movie.  How pathetic!

A Bit of a Let-Down

I love Halloween!  I've always loved Halloween.  When I was a kid, before people felt like they had to be politically correct and change it to Harvest time, we dressed up in our costumes for parties at school and paraded around the neighborhood before coming back to the classroom for candy, cupcakes and bobbing for apples.  We usually made our costumes.  My mom sewed a clown costume out of flannel, which doubled as pajamas, one year.

I love Trick-or-Treating!  I've always loved it.  And when I was doing it, we got apples and home-made popcorn balls - the good stuff!  Even when my kids were little we went trick-or-treating. We've always lived in suburban neighborhoods near schools where lots of kids live.  Yet somehow, every year the number of trick-or-treaters has dwindled.  I was interrupted less than 10 times last night.  My house was lit.  It was decorated with ghost luminaries and a strobing jack-o-lantern.  So where were all the kids?

I know there are "alternative" parties - Trunk-or-Treating, Harvest Parties - but are there really THAT many alternatives that traditional trick-or-treating is obsolete now?  As an adult the traditional way is still my favorite.  I love oohing at the scary costumes and awing the sweet toddlers who are experiencing their first times.  There wasn't much of that last night.

So next year I'll still decorate, and I'll still buy candy.  And we'll just see what happens.

Why Am I Doing This?

I think I know who I am until I sit down and try to describe myself.  I have always worked outside the home...retail, office, radio.  I've never really wanted to work, but necessity saw it differently.  And if I didn't work, what would I do all day?  I'd sit at my desk thinking about all the things I could be doing were I not at work.  Now, I don't have a job, and I try to figure out what to do today.  I think I used my job as my excuse not to step out on faith, not to be creative, not to do what I want.  Now I have no excuse.  Maybe you can help me figure out what I should be doing?